Fear

I don't think doing good things means

that good things will happen to you.

Or maybe I just haven't been a

good enough person these past 21 years.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Why no great opportunities are opening

up for me.

Maybe it's my incessant complaining

instead of incessant hard work.

I don't know what the key is.

I don't know what I should be doing with my life.

I'm afraid that all of this indecision - 

all of this wondering will continue my whole life

and I will have died with a pointless,

mindless

existence.

I didn't realize it until I got home from New York,

but I am so afraid that I will do

nothing meaningful with my life.

I had always heard people say that,

but I never understood until I went to New York

and got my hopes up.

I never knew I would be so afraid of that.